I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He? As in you personified your dick?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
