Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
