It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
