proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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