She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
