I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
