apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
