my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
