Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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