So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he was CRYING into my vagina
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
