ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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