It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
