I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
