I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
