Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
