I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
