if you like me you must not know who I am
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
