i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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