winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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