Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
