I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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