all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
