did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
