Im at strip club and am horny
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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