I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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