friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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