apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
