i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
