Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
