If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize