Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
