This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
