using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
