see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The beers last night were like the tears from god
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
