i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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