I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
