I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
