All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
