I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
