She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
