some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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