So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
