somebody snuck up and got me drunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
