i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
