so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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