You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
