I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
