All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well you can't waste a boner
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
