I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
