he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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