i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You need a sexual gate keeper
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
