Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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