I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
