i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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