I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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