When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
