college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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