Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
